Self Discovery....possible recovery

I am surprised -at even myself
keeping up these sherades
regurtating my same ole practiced line- "Im good, Im doing just fine"
it leaves my lips so effortlessly
its almost like a joke you see, to know that I know something they dont know
i guess its my fault really because no one on this earth truly knows the real me
I apologize if you feel hoodwinked- tricked, that was not my intention
but I guess I should mention, that even I dont know who me is
the gift of sight brings along pain as its counterpart
simease twins- their one in the same
long distance cousins with love and war
ahhh sookie sookie now, the family tree has begun to shake
weak at its roots due to all the blood shed and heartache
i feel like a stranger -not to everyone else but to myself
to others im funny, a loyal friend, and sometimes a bitch
they know the me I show them, the mask- the cover up
somehow I feel like she burried
damn I wish I had a shovel, even I woulda dug her up
cleared off the dirt and dubree, breathed life into her lungs
transferring energy from my soul to hers
I mean from my soul to mines
see your just as confused as I
maybe the real me has things to hide
mentally unstable, the ruffeling of feathers maybe I just cant take
so I let this so called me live for me
smile, walk, talk, even love for me
that way I dont feel the pain, or dreary circumstance
atleast for now I can play make believe
so when you see me smile, or hear my laugh
dont take it personal, because for now even for me
its just easier to believe, that what you see is the real me

Hanging Angels....I bear the blood

Clickety clack, clickety clack
what is that awful sound?
Where mam did you get those mounds across your back?
reading between the lines of broken flesh
lines blurred and scarred between prejudice and hate
children crying for their mothers, taken from the nipple before true time
sold into a life of serving food and pussy to massa
chained up like cargo, shipped away by the masses
clickety clack, clickety clack
what on earth is that awful sound?
Black skin ment you worked your chocolate dipped fingers in the fields
caramel women labored inside, shaded with dry wall and fine china
only to bear massa's children- instead of the heat
reading, writing- luxuries only afforded with their life
lives left behind- stuck within the lasso hanging from the branches
cherry oak trees stained with the blood, black, african blood
torn rags worn to cover their bodies- stripped naked on the inside
stripped of the right to choose, voice silenced- choked by the smoke emitted from the rifle
bullets, whips, knives holding their power hostage
clickety clack, clickety clack
what is that awful sound?
looking at the glow of my skin, in the morning light
the natural curl of my hair passed down, up and around from generations to me
those same whips I subconsciously bear
praying to the same God, to bring my people thru yet another storm
creek waters so high- to high for me alone to tread
my ancestors spirits were released from those chains, let down from the lasso's
in me they breathe, in you they speak
in her they rejoice
in us they live
In us they live

Sugary High?!

"I feel like a apple sitting in a candy store, and you are the kid running around stuffing his face with sugary treats and never looking twice in my direction...the candy is good for a while but eventually give you cavities, stomachaches, and a false high...now your looking at me with regret, i tried to tell you i have all the substance you need"
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Cloudy Skies

"I know its hard to see threw all the obstacles, heart-ache, dishonesty, wayward intentions, and long-winded lies....but im right here. So close-but in your mind anything good is anything but close, its almost impossible to fathom"
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Looking Behind

"I keep looking behind me... thinking that I saw something in my peripherial after the thousandth time of not seeing anything there, I realize that it was my unconscious remembering when you had my back. But now that you're gone, I have no choice but to watch my own back".
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Screwed Up

"One day were gonna look back and say "what the hell was I thinking!?" to our young selves. But until then Im going to keep screwing up- WHY? because no matter what decisions I make somehow, somewhere there are laughs to be stumbled upon, and joys to be captured"!..........#ScrewUp4Life
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